I'm gonna have a badass scar
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
