Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
