she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
