Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
