It's like God shit irony all over that family
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
