If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
