So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The air was thick with penises
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
