White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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