So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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