please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
