Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
