After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
