the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
