I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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