Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
