why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
