I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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