the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
