So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
