So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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