There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
