My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
