"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
