I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
