i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
