so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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