She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Randomize
