A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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