well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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