Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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