you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
