Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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