please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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