I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
