I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
