Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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