Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
