What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
