never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
