mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
