He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
