we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
