How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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