Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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