Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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