Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
