Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
