Your dad touched me again.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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