im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
