...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
