Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
