thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
